December 2011

(with new and improved holiday season updates!)

Shockingly nude baked goods...

There has been all too much talk of food on Twitter. Photos of meals. Explorations of diners. Discussion of desserts. Virtual sharing of bacon sandwiches. Why, recipes have begun to take over respectable and otherwise entirely perverted spanking blogs.
One has to ask the question… WTF?

Are spankos and kinksters just aesthetes in disguise, looking for that next sensory fix, in whatever form it will take? Gin and tonic? Double chocolate layer cake with raw vanilla ice cream? Romp in the hay? The mind reels.

Fortunately, some sanity started to return to the twittersphere last night, with the suggestion that perhaps food did have a purpose in the spankoverse. It seems some of our number were using it as bribery in order to optimize the possibility of potential paddling of their posterior. To be specific, the celestial one was seriously squirming for a spanking, and she was pulling out all the stops.

And so began a discussion of just what bribes might warrant what spankings.
In order to ensure equitability in the meting out of punishment in exchange for reward (because we’re nothing if not fair around here) the following list is offered. It is not to be considered definitive, for we kinksters are innovative in the way of baked goods and bashed goods… but it’s a start.

And so, forthwith, the list:

Slice of bread – firm scolding

Slice of bread with butter – firm scolding with dirty words

Slice of bread with butter and home made jam – firm scolding with dirty words and corner time

Scone – unfulfilled teasing

Scone with clotted cream and jam – unfulfilled teasing with accompanying gropes and fondling

Muffin – Mild spanking over clothing

Christmas cookie – Moderate spanking (skirt up, over panties)

Cupcake – Light warmup spanking (panties down)

Chocolate cupcake – Warmup spanking, panties down, with butt plug

Mince tarts – Firm hand spanking until red and glowing

Orange cake with orange buttercream icing – ‘good girl’ spanking on the bare

Cheesecake – prolonged spanking

Raspberry cheesecake – prolonged spanking, pouts and corner time
(panties remain down, extra spanks awarded for actual raspberries)

Carrot cake – heavy spanking with inserted dildo

Chocolate cake – firm strapping

Chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream – firm strapping, with wind down sex
(missionary position for bonus points)

Chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream – firm strapping, with (do we really want to go here?)

Double chocolate cake – firm tawsing on the bare

Fruitcake – wooden paddling (bonus points if the paddle is made of wood denser than the cake)

Ginger cake – caning with inserted fig

Additional notations and suggestions are always welcome, and can be forward to the official keeper of the Baked Goods & Bashed Good list.

Your faithful servant,

Delightful nude baking goods...

As a public service to the twitterverse (and I am nothing if not a civic-minded bear) I am please to announce the latest development in the global effort to consistently dole out the spankings that are deserved.

From the author and keeper of the ‘Baked Goods and Bashed Good’ list comes the latest in trend-setting spankophilia.

For, it must be said, that the spankoverse has an unhealthy obsession with buses. Or, to describe this phenomenon more accurately, an unhealthy obsession with throwing other spankos under said buses. Arguably, this is cruel. Buses must go through the rest of their lives haunted by the tragic recollection of running over their first bottom. Bus drivers must wrestle with the unfair moral question of whether to avoid said spankos, or to line up their wheels for a perfect strike. And we needn’t talk about the impact on our crumbling infrastructure, and the cost of on-going public works efforts necessary to keep our roads in optimal bus-friendly shape.

Given the tragic and one-sided nature of spanking-related bus-throwing transactions, the consequences are immediate and dire. Action must be taken. Decent, normal people want to know that they can ride public transit without fear of losing their venti no-whip triple-pump vanilla chai cappuccino due to the wilful and inconsiderate throwing of yet another spanko under the wheels of their bus.

To forestall this imminent tragedy, we announce the formation of a new society dedicated to the fair usage of buses in spanking scenarios.

The Society Against Unreasonable Use of Buses is dedicated to making the world safe for spankos who fear the looming presence of a Volvo diesel. Who prevaricate in the face of Prevost. Who desperately fear a Mitshushibi Heavy Industries logo being indelicately imprinted in their posterior.

We will lobby for humane rules for healthy alternatives to throwing your best friend under a bus. We will provide comfort and care to those who have been thrown under a bus. We will provide strategies and tactics to avoid being thrown to such a fate. And when all else fails, we will stand with everyone else as the perverted bystanders that we are, and watch the action unfold.

Memberships are on sale now. Membership provides numerous benefits, including knowing that you are standing in solidarity with other spankos, who would stand up for themselves if they weren’t lying prone under a bus. Know that you are contributing to making the world a safer place for buses, and a more interesting place for those familiar with what they look like from below. And, of course, get that all valuable annual “Get Out From Under A Bus Free” card, good for one extraction from beneath the wheels. Always useful just when it counts.

I am pleased to announce that my partner in crime, Mrs. Insatiabear, has willingly stood for candidacy for the position of Chief Administrator of Appropriate Bus Usage. She has taken up the flogger of office, and – trust me on this – she is not afraid to use it.

In anticipation of the extensive efforts that will be required to intervene in the exponentially increasing incidents of throwing-under-a-bus that we are seeing, we have also undertaken an extensive fundraising campaign. First up will be “Throw Em Under A Bus” day, feature the beloved @emma_enchanted, who has been an inspiration to so very many in how to artfully hurtle even the dearest of friends beneath the wheels. And who can argue against fate, destiny, charity, worthy causes and the joy she will provide her friends on what is certain to be a popular annual tradition? Certainly she can’t.

So join us, my friends. Stand up and be counted. Or at least, stand up before the number 12 express special looms over you. You have nothing to lose but the tire prints on your back.

Don't Let This Be Your Fate!